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Getting Ripped is Too Easy – It’s Time for Me to Find a New Passion

  Jun 12th, 2012

Get Ripped with the Shake WeightLike most people, I do my best thinking in the shower. While lathering up this morning, I had a life-changing epiphany…

 

I’ve been doing things all wrong!

 

I spent the last half-decade dedicating myself to researching and experimenting with various methods of resistance training and nutrition to find the most efficient ways to transform the composition of the body into the ideal lean and muscular physique.

 

I felt like I had made the kind of progress that few in my field had achieved in that time span, and even spent months writing out a step-by-step system that virtually any man or woman can use to transform their body.

 

So I’m in the shower and I get to thinking about all of the fitness related ideas and gadgets people choose to invest their time and money in and realize just in time that I’m out of my league.

 

I mean look at what I have to compete with…

 

People Getting Jacked with the Shake Weight

For starters, there’s the shake weight.

 

Do you see the arms on the guys using the Shake Weight in the ads on television? Surely they look like that from the repetitive, low resistance stimulation of using the Shake Weight.

 

After all, it’s not like muscle growth has anything to do with progressive overload. But wait, the Shake Weight has that covered also. Just shake harder for longer.

 

See. Progressive overload!

 

And to think, all this time I’ve been spending hours each week doing squats, shoulder presses, dead lifts, bench presses and body weight movements to build a muscular and strong physique.

 

Screw that! I’m off to Walgreens to get my Shake Weight so I can build a massive and ripped upper body while sitting on the couch. Who cares that it doesn’t work the lower body.

 

Having a strong lower body is over-rated anyway!

 

And I Thought Abs Were Made in the Kitchen

Ab Belt to Get RippedIf that wasn’t bad enough, I also have to compete with the likes of the Ab Shocker Belt. With this genius invention, getting ripped abs is now possible for anyone willing to wear an electrode belt for a few minutes each day.

 

Just strap the belt around your stomach, turn it on and let it sculpt you a set of six pack abs in just 10 minutes a day, while you watch your favorite sports show or soap opera.

 

And if you really want to kick your ab development into overdrive, and get Mr. Olympia type abs, after you’re done with the Ab Shocker Belt, spend an additional 10 minutes on the Ab Lounger.

 

What have I been doing following a structured nutrition plan and doing 1-2 hours of cardio each week in order to get and maintain a set of ripped abs? What a waste of time and effort!

 

Oh, and when it comes to nutrition, boy was I misinformed…

 

I Can’t Believe I Eat So Many Carbs

Apparently eating carbs makes you fat and the incredible fat loss results I’ve gotten while consuming carbohydrates each day makes me some kind of medical anomaly.

 

Everybody knows that unless you want to get fat, you better not have any bread in the house. And don’t even think about fruits.

 

Feeling like having a nice baked potato? Not unless you want love handles and a double chin to boot!

 

Never mind the fact that carbohydrates are the body’s primary source of energy and the fact that most who lose a certain amount of fat using low carb diets end up gaining all of the fat back – and then some.

 

And just ignore the scientific evidence that prolonged carbohydrate deprivation causes muscular atrophy and a lagging metabolism.

 

Who cares about having muscle anyway? The only thing that matters is being skinny, right? Even if it comes along with being weak and looking sickly?

 

This is especially true if you’re a female, because guys obviously like dainty physiques and are certainly not attracted to women with full, firm and curvy bodies.

 

What Do I Know About Toning?

Finally, what in the world am I doing lifting weights that cause failure in 5-6 reps when my goal is to have a toned and ripped physique? To make matters worse, I even prescribe the same kind of “heavy lifting” for others who desire a toned and defined body and trust me to show them how to get it.

 

Everybody knows that getting toned is only possible by lifting lighter weights for a high number of reps, right?

 

Wait a minute… I thought getting toned and having muscle definition was a function of body fat and that getting to a low level of body fat was more about diet and cardio than weight training?

 

That can’t be possible because I read on one of the top fitness sites that the way to get toned muscles is to lift lighter weights for 15-20 reps. And since it’s on the Internet it must be true – even if I follow it for months with zero difference in what I see in the mirror.

 

It’s Time for Me to Find a New Passion

After coming to these realizations there’s just no other choice than to give up on my passion for helping others transform their bodies by building muscle and burning fat. I simply can’t compete.

 

When people can get jacked shaking a 5lb modified dumbbell, develop impressive abs with a battery powered belt and the push of a button, get ripped by simply avoiding carbohydrates and lifting weights they can move with ease, I obviously have nothing of value to offer any more.

 

If you’ve enjoyed reading my articles, I’m sorry to disappoint you with this news.

 

Thigh Master to Get RippedAdmittedly, I should’ve seen this coming during my teenaged years when the Thigh Master took the world by storm, once and for all solving the thunder thigh epidemic, as baby girls now leave the womb with perfect thigh genetics.

 

Oh well. Maybe I can use my spare time to invent an apparatus that will get people ripped while they sleep.

 

But wait… If everyone were ripped, then it’d be cool to be fat, so I’ll be sure to eat a gang of cheeseburgers while working on my invention.

 

 

Comments

2 Responses
  1. Kathy says:

    Too funny. My favorite are the cardio queens who refuse to lift anything heavier than their purses, claiming they’ll get “bulky.” If only it were that easy. 🙂

  2. Craig Leonard says:

    Thanks Kathy!

    I feel the same way about the cardio queens. I think you’d enjoy this article I wrote a while back:

    http://www.rippedout.com/building-the-perfect-female-body/

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